Another day began with numbness, pain and fatigue. I was used to by now. But something new had appeared, I found myself stumbling around, falling, forgetting. I was about to put some laundry on the radiator and once again found myself somewhere that had become all too familiar – the floor.
“Will you get to the bloody doctors” he exclaimed.
‘He’ is my wonderful husband, the most amazing person in my life, devoted dad, and now my carer.
After several more days I relented and made an appointment, I was ready to be told I had sciatica and sent home with pain killers that would sort the pain but wipe me out in the process. But it would mean I didn’t have to hear “will you get to the bloody doctors” anymore.
That doctors appointment changed my life, it changed it in a way you would never imagine. That day I said good bye to who I was and became a different person, a person who to this day I don’t know. And quite honestly I don’t want to know her, I want to be the person I used to be before that day, infact I want that day to never have happened.
I went into that appointment a seemingly heathy normal 29 year old with hardly any cares in the world. 2 days later I became a 29 year old with a disease, an incurable disease that has 8 months on, got such a strong grip on me I’m a shadow of the person I used to be.
That day that changed my life was October 2nd 2013, that was the day I was told I had MS.
I sat there on the hospital bed, I had just been told, I had no clue what MS was. A nurse came in to ask if I was ok, “I’m great thanks” I replied, because I was great, she looked at me, she had sorry eyes, such a caring face “do you know what he has just told you” of course I knew, I have MS apparently the MRI’s say so. She hugged me, I hugged her back.
But what was MS? I had no clue, clearly it was an explanation for my numb leg and frequent falls. Wonderful, I thought, a name for why I feel like I do.
I was oblivious, I was to find out shortly after what exactly MS was and how my life was going to change forever. I wanted to go back to being oblivious because oblivious meant I didn’t know the true extent of what MS was.