So we have a real issue to discuss, an issue that deserves attention.
Flapjacks. That’s right. You may think they are innocent, you may even think they taste nice but you are sorely mistaken my friend.
This morning as I sit here in costa with my 2 propoints costa light, I look at the array of cakes and biscuits. Everyone likes cakes and/or biscuits don’t they? Such a beautiful variety laid before my eyes. Yet then the flapjack raises it’s ugly head. It’s neither cake nor biscuit, it’s an animal feed hybrid. It is conning you into thinking its yummy, it may even try and sell itself to you as healthy but please don’t be fooled.
A cake should be soft, spongey with lots of buttercream. Fluffy and sweet when bitten. None of these words can be applied to a flapjack. It is not a cake.
A biscuit should be sweet, a nice crumble when bitten and preferably with chocolate added somewhere. A flapjack, although sweet as the honey/golden syrup tries it’s best to make it sweet, and the occasional presence of chocolate still does not allow this monstrosity into the biscuit category.
No a flapjack is a category to itself, shit. It’s the oats you see. I am passionately a disliker of oats. They stick to your teeth, they trick you into thinking they are nice. Sky fuckers. The truth is oats are good for you, slow release carbs and all that jazz. But good for you is not the basis of a sweet treat to have with your 2 propoints costa light. No, we are on weight watchers for fuck sake! Does this not show that we like true cakes and biscuits? Not fake wannabe healthy things.
Its like fruitcake, it wants to be a cake but again the fruit takes away the true essence of cake. Oh don’t even get me started on a ‘tiffin’. I use that word with contempt. It’s an abomination against baked goods. Mr Kipling would spin in his grave if he knew what was happening in the world of baked goods. Is mr Kipling dead? Was he real?
And this leads me to the most important point in life. Flapjacks are evil. Slow release carbs trying to masquerade in the beautiful world of baked goods. Please all take the time to consider these facts when you are next faced with a voice of a real true cake of flapjack and say no to flapjacks!