One of life’s realisations


I am fat. There is no denying it, I knew but didn’t want to face up to it but now I’ve reached an all time low. My engagement ring is too tight. I struggle to take it off, it leaves a dent. I’m fat, see!

I am officially the fattest I’ve ever been and getting bigger. I need to stop. No more shit. I say this every week but my resolve is weak. I’ve spent lots of money on fitness equipment that is just languishing in the corners of my house.

When smallest was born I was back to my pre children size, I’ve eaten myself into my worst nightmare. I’ve eaten myself into my own mother.

Mum is fat, she always has been. She has done every diet ever. Yes she has lost weight, but it’s eaten back on very quickly. I’ve always had a hidden repulsion to her body. The sheer size, the way her stomach falls over her underwear. And now this is me. I’m the product of my own hatred.

My problem? I will tell the truth is embarrassment. I’ve been raised to believe excercise is horrible, that only freaks would actually want to do it. Truth be told, I enjoy it but the years of being told it’s another thing that can be used to call me a freak makes it something to avoid.

I hate the clumsy feeling that comes with this size, the fact I’ve only dresses or leggins that fit, and fuck me I’m fed up of elastic waistbands.

So today my lovely friends is the last day. I cannot be like this anymore, as I creep towards 14 stone on my 5″2 frame I need this horrible reality check. Tomorrow is a new day, not just another okay I’m going to do this. It’s a real I CAN DO THIS!!

So goodbye fatty, hope to never see your ugly arse again.

Oh and if I fail I will just have to have another baby, this is when I am queen of weight loss would you believe!!


7 thoughts on “One of life’s realisations

  1. In two weeks I will be joining you. I keep forgetting how big I am and trying to squeeze in between people and things, not understanding that I’m actually smacking into them, hence the cross looks I’m getting!

  2. Mrs Moo

    I too have turned into the fat mother I was ashamed off. The worst thing is now I see my son looking at me the way I used to look at her. Oh he says all the right things (as I used to) but deep down I think he wishes I was slim.

    Good luck to you. I hope you manage to get to a pjs e where you are happy xxx

  3. Well done Flapjack.

    This effect of upbringing is exactly what I want to make sure we deal with. So if we have to go somewhere, if we can walk it, we should. So he gets fit just through living and fun (I also want to learn something like tennis, so we can do that as a family) and doesn’t have to go to the oh so boring and pointless gym.

    I read somewhere that faced with a distance of a mile, only 32% of people would walk it as first choice. That’s really worrying.

    • Oh I’m a bad one for the car. But I’ve made a huge effort with the children’s diet. Everything is home cooked, no frozen shit. Plenty of fruit and veg that we never had as children.
      We only ever had Granny Smith apples, carrots and occasional green beans as that’s all mum eats.
      Both mine eat anything and everything which I truly count as a blessing

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s